think I want to run
think I’m just done.

done with attempting to risk my heart.
it’s not worth the risk, if it gets torn apart.

my head’s so messed up
I don’t want to think about you.
three shouldn’t be in the picture
I don’t know what to do.

and just how I feel
when you look into my eyes
you steal my heart
and give me butterflies

I want to be in your arms
I just want to let go
I want to tell you all of this,
but I’m still scared for you to know.

however, she saw through them
and dissected all their schemes,
but first, she fell into a trust with them
and handed them her dreams.

this heartbreak took her back
to things she’d blocked before.
back to dark times with people who hurt her
of times she laid on the floor.

the tears in her eyes
in her hand, a knife
and now, she initiates the disconnect
the one that’d save her life

already weak from things in my past
a sandy foundation, I should have known, would never last
in one short hour, my future rearranged
how could I experience that, and never be changed?

my thoughts are so snarled that nothing’s coming out right
just what would I give to un-live that night..

but that’s not what i want
it’s not what you want either
i need a minute by myself
to reflect…just take a breather

because i can’t catch my breath
and i can’t find my heart
i figured this would happen
i knew it from the start

is it too far gone now?
did i really lose control?
forget shovels – I used dynamite
to get myself in this hole

i wanna be here for you
always, in every way
right now i don’t know what to do
how to act or what to say…

i want to hug you
and hold you tight
to wake you up
and kiss you good night

to hold your secrets
and give you mine
our hearts so close,
they’re intertwined

but i can’t do this
and neither can you
because if this gets out
we’re both way screwed.

and I want you to come running whenever I call
and happily kill that bug on the wall =)

to check my oil and fix our sink
to ask me questions and care what I think

to love those moments when I look in your eyes
to never want to leave me – and to never even try.

I rest my hand on your cheek
you close your eyes
and lean into me
your love’s the only love I see
with you is where I want to be

in this moment
looking into your eyes
I give you my heart
and cut loose all my ties

I’ve never given it all
this is so new to me
but, actually, I feel strength
in this vulnerability

ran far away from You
like it would solve all my worries.
like I’d get closer to my dreams,
oh, if only would I hurry.

but going far from You
makes me want things even more
leaving didn’t make things better
just opened up further the sores.

the sores that these desires
created on my heart.
the sores that bled in agony
while I tried to keep us apart.

at an arm’s length is where everyone is at
why would I dream that You would fit in with that?

never at an arm’s length again
only on Your arms will I depend
the only One I trust and serve
the One whose love I don’t even deserve.

take these desires out of my heart
I cannot bear further, us being apart.

I’m losing my focus.
I’m losing my mind.
I want to see you in front of me,
no reflecting on behind.

the past had passed
I must remember that truth.
I am a woman, now.
Not just an ignorant girl, blinded by her youth.

when people see it,
they take it and fly.
now, I just keep silent
they don’t want to hear – why even try?

selfless turned to selfish.
is that all i’ve become?
just wanna give away a few of these burdens,
not even all of them – just some.

I want someone to question me
with probing curiosity.

to see the secrets in these brown eyes
to recognize and remove my disguise

i’m waiting for you, edward.
where are you, romeo?
for all my patient waiting,
I have nothing to show.

surface only
it’s safe that way
light and airy
in whatever you say

i’ve built up this wall
that’s miles high
made of indestructible brick
so don’t even try

you can’t get through to me
there is no gate
sealed up so tight,
even I can’t escape.

I can’t escape.
I can’t get out.
I want to leave so badly.
but no one hears me shout.

someone help me, please!
my head tilted up, tears down my face.
my throat ripping with the screams
trying to leave this place

but I fight the screaming
and the desire to get out
I fight the closeness
and make due without

no one sees my wall
they don’t look close enough
“oh, she’s a nice girl”
but I’ve built up this skin so tough

these knuckles break before they bleed
I’ll break to pieces before I let you see

but, by then, there will be no time
by then, it will be too late
this wall will collapse onto me
and crush all of me with it’s weight.

and then, someone will find me
and then, they all will see
or maybe, they will treat me the same
and only see me as part of the debris.